The Live Tweeting of Santa Claus

Today was the big day to meet the big man. The muppets and I went to visit Santa. At the mall. The Saturday before Christmas.

I’m a sucker for tradition, and I’ve been striving to create our own Stream family traditions around the holidays. And who wouldn’t want an annual screaming at Santa photo to pull out when your sons become teenagers. Besides, last year Search puked all over the floor of the Macy’s Believe special section as Santa handed back a screaming muppet.

I figured this year couldn’t be any worse (despite warnings that 18 months is a prime age to be terrified of an exhausted, likely sick of small children, mall Santa.) “Famous last words…” cautioned a friend.

I should live tweet this!

Even Destroy was excited. He woke up at 2 a.m., and screamed his bloody little head off until about 3:30 a.m. when we both passed out on the living room floor. (I decided not to start tweeting this early.) A scant three hours later I was awakened by a 27-pound ex-27-weeker smacking me on the head.

“HI!” <smack> “HI!” <smack>

Clearly he was excited. Thanks to holiday shopping hours, the mall opened at 8 a.m. – the precise time we left the house. We made it to the car (parked in the driveway) at 8:30 – there were leaves to fall into and penguins to punch along the way.

8:02 a.m. tweet: Kid woke up at 2 a.m. Now 8 a.m. – heading to THE MALL to meet Santa. #SantaVisit

We arrived at 8:45. Because it is the week before Christmas, I can only assume Santa is frantically finalizing plans back at the North Pole. So he wasn’t due to touch down until 10:30 a.m. The muppets and I were going to embrace the early emptiness of THE MALL to get some last minute shopping done.

But first! A cookie. (This is a perfectly sound breakfast for a mom who’s been up since pre-dawn.)

8:45 a.m. tweet: Mall kiosk guy just chased us down asking, You here to do some shopping?” Totally sincere in my response. “Nope.” #SantaVisit

Just here for the cookie dude. Came all this way… Sheesh. Since our super secret squirrel move last year was a visit with Santa in Macy’s, we stopped by the department store known best for the miracle mall Santa. Sadly, the big man wasn’t there this year – just a big mailbox.

9:34 a.m. tweet: Trapped in Macy’s amid departmental warring bad Christmas Carols. #SantaVisit

At 10 a.m., we met GrandmaN at Santa’s station and liberated the muppets from their stroller. We had a little chat about the appropriate behavior – especially so close to the naughty vs. nice list.

10:01 a.m. tweet: We are in line. Muppets have been instructed not to puke on Santa. #SantaVisit

10:04 a.m. tweet: General parental consensus: Santa having a few more shots before his shift. Destroy appears skeptical about this endeavor. #SantaVisit

10:13 a.m. tweet: Line now out the door and wrapping around building. Muppets attempting to take down line gates. Relatively successful. #SantaVisit #BadMom

10:28 a.m. tweet: Meltdown commencing. #SantaVisit

By 10:30, the line twisted and twirled back and forth, wrapping around the mall for approximately a three-hour wait (at minimum). Being the brilliant planner I am, we’d timed it perfectly and were third in line. But due to the lack of sleep and over-excitement (or suspicion), a crisis was commencing when it was discovered I’d run out of Ritz Crackers.

10:34 a.m. tweet: Santa has landed. #SantaVisit

10:56 a.m. tweet: Pictures taken of two very big very suspicious muppets. Take THAT 3 hour wait. #SantaVisit Now…for a nap.

We headed to Cheesecake Factory for some lunch to fill up the muppets little tummies before crashing for naptime – needed after such a busy morning. As we wrapped up our meal, and proceeded to begin the arduous process of loading packages, purses and pudgy people into the stroller, the table next to us leaned over to say, ““Your children were fabulous. Really well behaved. We were very impressed.”

BAM! *That* kids, is how you get on the nice list. (It also means when that nice couple saw us sit down they thought, “Oh, shit.” There is certainly something to be said for cute kids getting away with a lot more <cough…biting…cough>, but today, they really were well-behaved as well.

We arrived home precisely on schedule. I opened the car doors and took a moment to just watch my two boys – fast asleep, with their heads tilted toward one another – it was the perfect ending to a holiday morning.

And then I opened the front door to find Scout had eaten the advent calendar and peed on a large box holding an early delivery from the North Pole.

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Photo Flashback: Notice the skepticism has not changed…

1 Comment

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One Response to The Live Tweeting of Santa Claus

  1. Joanne Hamann

    I’ll hand it to you for determination – I would have probably left the minute the meltdown began! But the Cheesecake Factory sounded great – is that where they were eating their crayons?

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