You may have noticed that most small ones have the attention span of a newt. And although I do not deem to know precisely the intentions of the diapered hamster in my son’s brain, toddling furiously upon his wheel, Iâ€™m pretty confident in asserting the thoughts are all over the place.
So today we have a guest blog of sorts. Below is an actual conversation (monologue really) as one of everyoneâ€™s favorite muppets navigated his evening. I am not making this up.
Mommy, when we get to play the shocker ball game with Aunt Ivy? But we canâ€™t go ober dare. Thatâ€™s not Aunt Ivyâ€™s house. Thatâ€™s a struction site. With a tractor. TWO TRACTORS!
I want to see the trees. The tree in the truck. Oberder. Itâ€™s by the moon.
I have two dogs. Iâ€¦Iâ€¦I have two doggies. Look! Thatâ€™s a doggie. Cooper is sick. I hafta kiss him on the head. Heâ€™s coning? <Our yellow lab is presently humiliated in the cone of shame after a surgery.>
I donâ€™t see Lightening McQueen.
A brown doggie. <Our dogs are yellow and black.> Itâ€™s a rhinoceros. <Huh?>
I need to go to the park. I NEED to go to the park! We only fly the kite at the park. I donâ€™t want to hit. No, I donâ€™t want to go to the park. I need to go potty. <He didnâ€™t.>
<Marching across the floor.> Tucka tucka tucka tucka tucka tucka. <Iâ€™ve got nothing here.>
Mommy can I talk? Ok. <Picks up old-school rotary style phone I refuse to get rid of.> â€œHello. Weâ€™re going to eat dinner in a minute. Then weâ€™re gonna watch Buzz Lightyear and Woody and baseball.â€
Are these gloves? I need my baseball glove. Whereâ€™s my white ball?
Daddyâ€™s at work. And then we eat breakfast. I want waffles. <Nice try. Still dinnertime.>
I NEED FRENCH TOAST!
No no no no no.
<Singing.> Garbage truck, the garbage truck, itâ€™s a bulldozer. Youâ€™re head is a donkey. <Did my not-yet-3-year-old just call me an ass?>
Can I watch Mickey on the TV? I play Jake on your iPad? I NEED MY MICKEY STICKER!
Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? <Sanity has already gone to bed. Yes dear?>
Where’s my hippo go? Oh! There he is right there. He has a giraffe. <Clearly the zoo animals lesson was sticky.>
This is my stuff. All my guys. There’s too many guys! Hey, my shocker ball fell down. My green football! Mommy, why you have a hockey puck in your head. <My hair was styled in a bun, dammit!>
I not in trouble any more. I NOT a stinker pants. <Diaper change.>
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness! OH MY GOODNESS!
I need to snuggle. Cinderella needs to sleep. She’s a princess. You princess, too, mommy.Â <Feeling pretty good about myself right now. Especially since I donâ€™t have nearly the walk-of-shame hairstyle Cindyâ€™s got going on.>