Letâ€™s review. (Trust me, youâ€™ll want to catch up â€“ if only for the humor of the situation. Go ahead, Iâ€™ll wait.)
Annnd, two years later â€“ weâ€™re back in the game! Where did we last leave off? Ah yes.
Social security is still stalking me. Recap. The muppets received social security benefits for three months. (If you reread the rants above, youâ€™d already know this. Just sayinâ€™â€¦)
Now. For the record, we did not request this money. We did not even want this money. But we were not given a choice; they held social security numbers hostage over two ounces. Seriously. (And before you start trying to occupy my house with claims that Iâ€™m the 1% because I donâ€™t want government money â€“ let me assure you that it wasnâ€™t NEARLY enough to deal with BS red tape. This kind of ridiculousness needs at least six figures before I go skipping down a yellow brick road.)
Approximately every other month Social Security sends the boys (care of payee me) a demanding letter that, quite frankly, isnâ€™t very nice. Demanding, DEMANDING that we fill out a form declaring how the money was allocated or they will CEASE BENEFITS.
I know what youâ€™re thinking. â€œWhat? I thought the muppets only received benefits when they were tiny babies in the NICU. Arenâ€™t they in college now?â€
You are almost correct. For the past 18 months (including me personally taking an uncashed check back to their dull metallic grey offices) the muppets have received benefits of a total sum $0. ZERO DOLLARS.
So you will be shocked when I tell you that approximately every other month I open the OFFICIAL CORRESPONDANCE, think thoughts that, quite frankly, arenâ€™t very nice, and then tear up the oh-so-clever use of taxpayer funds demanding I provide diaper proof-of-purchase for the money they are not paying.
Today â€œAndrewâ€ called me. The following is a transcript of the call. I am not making this up.
Andrew: Hi. This is Andrew. I am calling from Social Security. We need you to fill out a form.
Me: We havenâ€™t received any benefits since 2010.
Andrew: We need you to fill out a form or you will no longer be eligible to receive supplementary benefits.
Me: We donâ€™t receive benefits.
Andrew: That is why we need you to fill out the form.
Me: No. Weâ€™re not eligible. We donâ€™t get benefits from Social Security.
Andrew: So you already filled out the form?
I donâ€™t think Andrew fully understood my point. (And I donâ€™t even want to think what happens if an internal employee forgets to turn in their TPS report.)
- If you force me to take money, you shouldnâ€™t be allowed to decree how itâ€™s spent. (And yes, I get this was for the children. Not my point. Direct your anger elsewhere.)
- I donâ€™t do forms for $0.
- Our society is doomed.