Real Housewives of Silicon Valley

The day after I became a stay-at-home mom, the vacuum – which I’d auspiciously ordered three days earlier – arrived. It’s a nice vacuum – a BMW super sucker if you will (that doesn’t lose suction…) I stared at my fancy new machine.

I envisioned myself pushing its retro ancestor around my living room, clad in a Betty Draper style A-line shirtwaist housedress protected by a simple apron. I’d tidy up our 1955 era little galley kitchen, corralling and calming our Leave It To Beaver-like children before stepping out onto porch to greet Jon as he returns home from work, in a fashion befitting Donna Reed.

I’m a housewife.

Then I realized I wasn’t entirely certain how to make my technologically advanced future Cheerio picker-upper go, and my husband returns home from work at 6:30 a.m. – not a time you’re likely to find me doing any chores more hard core than snoring. That snapped me out of my Nick-at-Nite TVLand daydream right quick. Perhaps I can find work as a more contemporary housewife – they haven’t done a Silicon Valley version of the Real Housewives series yet. Granted, I don’t think I have the right quotient of dramatic flare to entice viewers.

On tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of Silicon Valley! Housewife Tricia puzzles over her new vacuum as she attempts to clear the carpet of dog fur so her muppets can roll. And later…she goes on a walk at the park with other moms. Stay tuned!

Regardless of my silver screen likablility, I went ahead and decided to get some outstanding house projects done. Our honey-do list has been essentially on hold since April 2010 – hospitals, preemie baby boys and opposite work schedules ferreting our attention in other directions. Today Jon liberated our garage from the cardboard boxes and garbage that had threatened to take over. (You wouldn’t believe how much cardboard and packing material comes with babies.)

After his project was completed, we traded roles on muppet watch and I undertook the task of cleaning the tile floor. I don’t think our kitchen has had a deep scrub since we moved in three years ago. As I write this blog entry, the peach tile is coated in a slightly damp fine layer of baking soda. I’ve tried numerous commercial methods for grout rejuvenation, but the floor still looked dirty to me. So, with my days freed up a bit, I did some home-ec research and experimented with baking soda, vinegar and water. Jon kindly pointed out that I was recreating the elementary school volcano science experiment.

But it worked! Sort of. I still need to mop up the dusty white powder. Two days hunched over on my hands and knees with a toothbrush and hairbrush size scrub brush and our peach tile is refreshingly peachy again.

I’m going to spend the next few days networking/stalking recruiters during the two hour afternoon muppet downtime. But I think I’ll vacuum the living room first. It really is a nifty new machine.