Disclaimer: Yes, I know the boys arenâ€™t *technically* in preschool. Theyâ€™re in the toddler class at daycare. Prior to having kids I was just as judgey about parents using â€œschoolâ€ for where the tiny tots spend their days. But they are *at* a school. And thatâ€™s just easier to say. Plus, preschool worked better for the title of this post.
Also, this post contains language inappropriate for family-oriented audiences. Itâ€™s all in pursuit of accurate reporting on the muppetsâ€™ development. They said it. Not me.
Yes, that chubby toddler high stepping it across the living room in the buff this evening would be my son. ITâ€™S NAKED TIME!
He was shortly returned in the arms of his grandmother, naked little legs flailing in little cycles as he protested any type of clothing. With a smart combat tuck and roll, the child scampered back down the hallway. Meanwhile, his brother sat cocooned in his towel following the parade of indecency with curious interest.
Last time Destroy enjoyed the cool breeze following tub time, his godmother got peed on. Again.
â€œCock,â€ announced Destroy.
PapaStavo burst into peals of high-pitched laughter. â€œWhat did he just say?!â€
â€œSss,â€ replied GrammaJ dryly. â€œHeâ€™s going to need to learn how to articulate those â€œSâ€ super sounds.â€
â€œYes! Thatâ€™s a sock sweetie!â€ I said gently, taking the flailing footwear out of his hands â€“ praising him for his obvious brilliance, while trying to distract him from the traumatic application of the evening diaper.
â€œCoke?â€ the now diapered little dude asked resignedly.
â€œYeah!â€ Search agreed excitedly. â€œCaca? Caca?â€
PapaStavo seemed very confused. GrammaJ was trying not to laugh.
I may not be the worldâ€™s best mother. But Iâ€™m going to go ahead and interject the point that I am not supplying my growing children with sugary soda. Coke = cup. (Which is generally filled with healthy hydrating filtered water. Or sometimes milk.) I don’t know where coke came from. We’re clearly a Pepsi household. Must be a regional thing…
Thankfully, despite prior Code Brown episodes in the bathtub, tonightâ€™s proclamation actually translates to â€œcracker.â€
When I was the muppetsâ€™ age, I had a thing for cement trucks. I wanted to be one when I grew up. (This is a sign of intelligence â€“ ability to use oneâ€™s imagination you know.) Destroy saw a garbage truck the other day; Jon thought he was about to have an excitement-induced aneurysm. Today both boys were giddy to observe two moving trucks up close and personal.
Youâ€™re thinking that last paragraph was a random tangent, arenâ€™t you? Itâ€™s not. You ever hear a toddler clearly say a combined sound? â€œTrâ€ I didnâ€™t think so. If youâ€™re lucky, they just eliminate the intro to that word. But sometimes â€œTrâ€ becomes â€œF.â€
Go ahead. Put that together. Iâ€™ll wait.
Iâ€™m gonna be *that* mom in the neighborhood. OMG â€“ Iâ€™m gonna be profiled on People I Want to Punch in the Throat as one of those moms whoâ€™s children are running rampant screaming obscenities.
I know! Toddlers are easily distracted! Quick! Find a shiny object!
Search, Destroy â€“ look, a rubber ducky. What sound does a duck make?
â€œHaha, cutie pies,â€ I nervously corrected. â€œQuack. Quack. Can you say quack, quack.â€