It is 9 p.m. I sit here, with baby vomit in my hair, lamenting the fact that Iâ€™ve stayed up so late. With that in mind, Iâ€™d like to take a moment to bemoan the day Iâ€™ve had in the spirit of Alexander â€“ he of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
As you know, the muppets got their four-month shots on Friday. This has left them cranky and wide awake. I, in turn, am also wide awake. The middle of the night has become social time, when all I want to do is sleep â€“ the floor upon which Iâ€™m currently standing looks perfectly comfy.
I think Iâ€™ll move to Maui.
This morning was a circus. I had to get the boys ready and help try to get Gramma J out the door to the airport so she could go back home. I wish my mom could stay longer. She just barely made her flight and then had to sit on the tarmac for an hour while a mechanic â€œlooked at the plane.â€ That sounds safe. I think Iâ€™m moving to Maui.
Today was the first day the muppets spent with the nanny instead of with Mom or Dad. Weâ€™ve got a great nanny (peace of mind is vastly underrated), but I missed my boys. It was hard to leave. I think I should go to Maui.
I was running late for work so I had to participate in my 9 a.m. meeting via Bluetooth headset in my car. Weâ€™re in the middle of the technology capital of the world, but my phone canâ€™t seem to hold a call. Instead, the plant I was bringing to liven up my cube fell over in the back seat. Now thereâ€™s dirt in my nice new car. I want to go to Maui.
When I finally got to my desk, I discovered the hard drive on my computer was dead. The IT guy told me itâ€™d be a while since he had to see if there was anything he could do about it. I went to get coffee while I pondered how to make myself useful without my laptop. The barista called me Patty. I HATE being called Patty. Iâ€™m moving to Maui.
I ran to my next meeting, hot coffee sloshing about and over my old-fashioned pen and paper note-taking technique. No one was in the conference room when I got there. The meeting was canceled, but nobody bothered to share that with me. I think Iâ€™ll move to Maui.
When I finally got my computer back, all my permissions had vanished. The technician told me â€œit should work,â€ but that didnâ€™t magically make his statement true. Iâ€™d really like to move to Maui.
Destroy had terrible gas pains and was screaming when I got home. Nothing I did seemed to make him feel any better. Search was crying because he just wanted to be held. I felt like a terrible mother. I should go to Maui.
After a week, Destroy finally pooped. He had a major blowout that leaked through his diaper onto the changing pad. Somehow I got poo on the curtains while I was changing him. As I reached for a new wipe, a fountain of pee drenched me, the kid and the changing table. I think Iâ€™ll move to Maui.
As soon as I picked him up, all freshly changed and clean, he vomited all over me. Again. Thereâ€™s vomit in my hair. And itâ€™s chunky. Now itâ€™s 9 p.m., and Iâ€™m still awake. I think Iâ€™ll go to Maui.
But, just as Alexanderâ€™s mom told him that sometimes people (big or small) have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days â€“ even in AustraliaÂ â€“Â I know people have crazy, hectic, stressful exhausting daysÂ â€“ evenÂ in Maui.
Although, in Maui, at least Iâ€™d be in paradise with the worldâ€™s cutest muppetsâ€¦