Itâ€™s November. Month of my birth and prematurity awareness.
And in recent years, Iâ€™ve become aware of the trend to spend the penultimate month of the year sprouting the most unattractive facial hair possible.
The idea is that men use their lip-warmers (which remain as stylish as 80s Flashdance leg wamers) to raise awareness for menâ€™s health â€“ specifically prostate and testicular cancer initiatives â€“ as part of the aesthetic abomination known as Movember.
(Neither of those sound even remotely pleasant. So Iâ€™ll suck it up for a good cause. But really, this should be held during October. So we could call it Mocktober. Since thatâ€™s what Iâ€™ll be doing during the month.)
Here I shall make a pronouncement. There is no such thing as an attractive mustache. To clarify further, iconic does not mean attractive.
Groucho Marx â€“ aside from being fake (grease paint people), are you really going to try and argue that a style now lives on in ridiculous joke shops looks good? Its sole purpose is ridiculousness!
Charlie Chaplin â€“ may I remind you this was indicative a character known as the Little Tramp? Also, pretty sure Hitler forever killed that particular fashion style.
Dali â€“ really? The man was batshit crazy.
Clark Gable â€“ rumor has it he suffered from severe halitosis. Perhaps some quality time with Colgate Total and a Bic razor could have improved the situation.
Rollie Fingers â€“ may have had his jersey retired by more than one team, but the ability to redefine modern day pitching (the original closer) does not translate to style
Tom Selleck â€“ Magnum PI, totally badass. Mustache, not.
So of course, Jon has joined in the festivities. His motivation? â€œTo grow a horrible mustache and raise awareness for men’s health.â€
Yeah…he knocked that one out of the park.
Iâ€™m the lone female in my family. And with the amount of testosterone surrounding me on a daily basis, I guess a lot more awareness is a good thing. I mean, we canâ€™t have the muppets triumphing over prematurity only to have another evil beat them back down.
This holiday season â€“ if Jonâ€™s nice, heâ€™s totally getting a shaving kit for Christmas. If heâ€™s naughty, well, I make no promises about the fragility of facial hair during dreams of sugar plum fairies dancing in oneâ€™s head.
If you’re interested in supporting the abursdity that is the above, click here. At least then it will have been for a good cause. Not just an adult display of, “HEY WATCH THIS!”