G.G. hated Mother’s Day. She viewed it as a mass-market sales ploy for the greeting card industry. I can’t say I disagree – it’s very similar to how I’ve always felt about Valentine’s Day.
At best, I’d say I’m indifferent. Because, you see, I’m a mother every day.
Nevertheless, we had a special mommy and muppets day chalk full of activities:
- Remind kids yogurt goes in the mouth, not the nose.
- Console hysterical child screaming, “Not done!” after donut consumption is complete.
- Convince son not to scale the outdoor garbage can.
- Inform children not to stick water picks in their ears.
- Research medical records to see if tetanus shots are updated while distracting muppets from rusty barbeque pin.
- Teach boys we don’t drink from the dogs’ water spigot.
- Praise enthusiasm for eating vegetables; suggest wisteria plants are not the best choice.
- Pray no one heard potentially inappropriate-for-children language after slipping on the sit-and-spin but breaking your fall on an angry yellow Lego.
- Instill knowledge that we do not hit people with shovels. (This is only kind of disturbing, right?)
- Evaluate handedness; encourage throwing balls, not dirt. Or red bark. Or dried dog poop. Or fresh dog poop!
- Suggest that impromptu afternoon bath would be a good idea. Catch kids flinging themselves into the tub fully clothed.
- Discover Search and Destroy somewhere beneath 42 layers of dirt.
- Spend 15 minutes trying to coax toddler out of the closet. (Literally, people.)
- Beg boys to untwirl from the curtains and put their pants on.
- Chase them upstairs. Tuck in Search. Tuck in Destroy. Tuck in Search. Tuck in Destroy. Tuck in Search. Tuck in Destroy.
- Debate collapsing in bed or on the couch. Realize bed would require moving.
- Get warm fuzzies listening to cries for “Mommmmeeeee!” Feel needed. Then realize boys don’t differentiate between mom and dad in terms of said title.
Who’s bringing me wine? Chocolate is also encouraged.