G.G. hated Motherâ€™s Day. She viewed it as a mass-market sales ploy for the greeting card industry. I canâ€™t say I disagree â€“ itâ€™s very similar to how Iâ€™ve always felt about Valentineâ€™s Day.
At best, Iâ€™d say Iâ€™m indifferent. Because, you see, Iâ€™m a mother every day.
Nevertheless, we had a special mommy and muppets day chalk full of activities:
- Remind kids yogurt goes in the mouth, not the nose.
- Console hysterical child screaming, â€œNot done!â€ after donut consumption is complete.
- Convince son not to scale the outdoor garbage can.
- Inform children not to stick water picks in their ears.
- Research medical records to see if tetanus shots are updated while distracting muppets from rusty barbeque pin.
- Teach boys we don’t drink from the dogsâ€™ water spigot.
- Praise enthusiasm for eating vegetables; suggest wisteria plants are not the best choice.
- Pray no one heard potentially inappropriate-for-children language after slipping on the sit-and-spin but breaking your fall on an angry yellow Lego.
- Instill knowledge that we do not hit people with shovels. (This is only kind of disturbing, right?)
- Evaluate handedness; encourage throwing balls, not dirt. Or red bark. Or dried dog poop. Or fresh dog poop!
- Suggest that impromptu afternoon bath would be a good idea. Catch kids flinging themselves into the tub fully clothed.
- Discover Search and Destroy somewhere beneath 42 layers of dirt.
- Spend 15 minutes trying to coax toddler out of the closet. (Literally, people.)
- Beg boys to untwirl from the curtains and put their pants on.
- Chase them upstairs. Tuck in Search. Tuck in Destroy. Tuck in Search. Tuck in Destroy. Tuck in Search. Tuck in Destroy.
- Debate collapsing in bed or on the couch. Realize bed would require moving.
- Get warm fuzzies listening to cries for â€œMommmmeeeee!â€ Feel needed. Then realize boys donâ€™t differentiate between mom and dad in terms of said title.
Whoâ€™s bringing me wine? Chocolate is also encouraged.