Guest Post: Husbands, Take Note

We’ve got a guest contributor today. Because I’m off cavorting about the Big Apple (see tweet stream for live coverage updates).

You may have heard of AuntJ – she’s oft mentioned round these parts. And these are her thoughts. Chocolate tips welcome.

**********

You know those refrigerator magnets poking fun at ladies from the 1950s?  Serving dinner wearing a crisp pink frock covered with a snow-white apron, matching lipstick, hair perfectly coiffed, a smile AND high heels?

Next to the picture on my magnet it reads, “MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN DINNER.”

My family sees me pointing to it when I’m in the not-wanting-to-cook-mood (which is daily, but I usually do it anyway).

There exists a Good Housekeeping magazine article from the 50s, listing guidelines to help a woman prepare for her man’s homecoming after work. You know, things like:

  • “Wear a fresh ribbon in your hair,”
  • “Have his slippers and drink ready,”
  • “Keep the children quiet.”

I say “Pshaw!” It’s 2012 (thank the good Lord), and we ladies need our own list. Mine would read something like this:

  1. Chill the margarita glass.
  2. Actually put the laundry away, as opposed to dumping it in piles on the living room couch.
  3. Set out my most comfortable pair of sweat pants/t-shirt combo, or unsexy pjs (your choice) and slipper socks. None of these needs to match.
  4. Drive the child to and from jazz band, wind ensemble, play rehearsal, friend’s house, etc. etc. – you get the idea.
  5. Supervise homework completion and MAKE SURE the òDx!lneq\ådx Calculus book is OFF the kitchen table. Just seeing it there makes me sweat.
  6. Prepare a sumptuous feast – perhaps something marinated in wine or served with a cream sauce with a parsley sprig on the side for decoration. (Note: A sandwich does not constitute dinner.)
  7. Blend, pour, and serve the damn margarita – what have you been waiting for? No salt on the rim, please.
  8. Remove every piece of grass, bark dust, blossom, weed and what-is-that-stuff? from the dog’s fur before he enters the house. He should be fed, brushed, medicated (it’s our dog – he’s known by name at the vet) and looking show-ring worthy.
  9. Find a home for every pair of shoes and socks that have taken up residence in every corner, crevice and right-smack-dab in the middle of the walkway.
  10. Recycle the AARP invites, credit card solicitations, Victoria’s Secret mailings (I’m never going to look that way EVER – why torture yourself?), and Burger King receipts (are you planning on returning that food?)

This would be an excellent start. I reserve the right to revise this list at any time.

And remember: When mom is happy, everyone’s happy. (And mom is most happy with a margarita.)

**********

Cheers to you and see you when I return!

4 Comments

Filed under Family Stories, Guest Post, Humor

4 Responses to Guest Post: Husbands, Take Note

  1. Jon

    I would do 1,5,6,7, and 8. Seems fair, that’s half.

  2. That is because you are awesome. And also – I’d set the sumptuous feast on fire.

  3. Joanne Hamann

    Thanks – so excited to see myself in print! And those are some fine pics you got to go with it. I’m ready to be a blogger now – show me the light!

    Aunt J

  4. Gramma j

    We have built in excuses in our family. GG was not exposed to domestic chores of any sort. Her mother had ,Pauline ( the “help”) until GG was 12 years old. She totally missed out on learning how to cook.
    So, we are in good company. Thank goodness for the hubbies in our cases.

Leave a Reply