It’s that time of year again. I walked into a store at the mall today and was encompassed by “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Back off Fat Man! November is Turkey month. But I digress…holiday shopping is not my current gripe.
Once again the time change is upon us. I am displeased.
Someday, when I rule the world, my first order of business will be to revoke the time change. I’ll even compromise – we’ll just push the official time up a half-hour, right in between Daylight Saving Time and Standard time – and be done with it.
In case you hadn’t picked up on it, I am anti-daylight saving time.
Theoretically, this time of year gives us an extra hour of sleep. You know who is unaware of this bonus hour?
Children in general really. Toddlers do not understand or appreciate the concept of sleep. At 6 a.m. sharp, Pinky and the Brain Cooper and Scout will thunder down the stairs in their typical fashion – imitating a herd of stampeding elephants. Cooper will frantically canvas the garage, whining frenetically – punctuated by a series of sharp barks. FEED ME WOMAN!
Destroy will then announce his awakening with a shout. Search will sit up, eye his brother, mumble and then flop himself back down on his mattress face first with a grumble.
I will roll over with a grumble very similar to Search’s. (The boy likes his sleep. He is his mother’s son.) I will stare at the video monitor; after several moments, my brain may even process what is on the monitor. I will will them to go back to sleep for just a little bit longer. The voices in my head will laugh uproariously at this notion. (Someday roles will be reversed and I will have teenage boys who cannot be roused by World War III. At such time I will take a nap.)
Then the chants will begin. “Up! Up! Up!” I’ll roll out of bed, sleep still firmly settled in my eyes. “Ah ah ah. AHHHHHHHH!”
Good morning Destroy. The entire day will be just “off.” He will probably pee on me.
Naptime will be all screwy. Because it’s the wrong time!
And come 6 p.m., the tsunami of an impeding muppet meltdown will surely be on the horizon. Why? Because they didn’t sleep the appropriate hours. It is not time for bed, but they will be tired and cranky.
You know who else doesn’t see the need for time change shenanigans? Hawaii. Or should I say Paradise? Just another reason for the well-earned paradise distinction. (Also Arizona. Coincidence that it’s warm there too?)
Even the other geographies who embrace this nonsense can’t decide when to randomly play clockmaker. The time change complicates my calendar – disrupting meetings in a global corporation
Mostly it screws up my already delicate sleep patterns.
Time is nothing more than an abstract creation. Simply, we’ve defined it as how long it takes us all to spin in circles. Believe me, I spend enough of my days swimming in circles as I deal with silly office issues. There is no need to create more trouble on a broader scale. Pick a time and stick with it people!
DOWN WITH DAYLIGHT SAVING! WHO’S WITH ME?!