The screaming began right around midnight.
“MOMMMMEEEEEEE!!!” It continued to gain in hysteria, growing louder and louder until a trembling child was pooled in heap upon the newly displaced dog bed.
(The dog has recently demonstrated a serious phobia of smoke alarms. I’ve recently decided to start cooking in a healthier lifestyle adoption. Kid and dog were likely going for a quid pro quo kinda thing.) Continue reading
I think I’m supposed to begin this post with the cliché disclaimer of, “I don’t like to judge…” or “Far be it from me to comment on another parent…” but that’s exactly what I plan to do. So. Gird your loins – I’m about to get judgey up in here. Continue reading
The sultry siren song of a summertime weekend made me do it. It was 5 p.m. on Friday night and still 80 degrees out. Music in the Park was calling our name. It was the perfect recipe for an evening out – we’d hit up the local sandwich shop and run the energy off on the slides.
And as in an environment as such, the more the merrier – some friends decided to join us. Continue reading
We take the expressway to school every morning. Right before our final turn is a corner construction site. Continue reading
I rolled up to preschool, prepared to wrap up the week with what would ideally be a quick trip – minimal accident/incident reports and less than a crooked number of potty-related costume changes.
Destroy was sitting sullenly against the playground fence. He didn’t move when he saw me, which could mean only one thing. Time out.
One of the teachers solemnly approached me. “Destroy is in trouble for calling our friend a VERY bad word. We had a long talk about it and now he’s sitting down to think about what he did wrong.” Continue reading
The true parable of Adam and Eve does not detail punishment by banishment from a literal utopian garden. It is an allegory illustrating the evolution of man; the development of human brains to combat the elements by donning clothing, thus leading to the invention of potty training. Continue reading
Dating is usually pretty stressful. And at this age, things can be even more complicated. There are many pieces to the puzzle – many components to sort before success.
- How do you let someone know you’re interested in spending more time together?
- How do you get to know someone’s family?
- How do you tell if someone wants to play with you again?
But play dates are a staple of suburban childhood these days. Continue reading
This mission is not for the faint of heart.
Objective: Get children into bed for duration of the night.
Subjects: Two (2) 3-year-olds, highly skilled in art of stalling. Continue reading
Morning begins with a cry for Mama (oh who are we kidding – the cry is for waffles). One of the little men is awake. Except he doesn’t want to get out of bed. (Maybe if he hides under the covers no one will notice him.)
The adult of the house least able to feign sleep entreats the sleeping muppet to get up and get dressed. The real motive behind such excitement to start the day? No one knows how well the Nighttime Pull-up has held up against the unwilling bladder of a 3-year-old.
To the potty! Continue reading
I tiptoed into the bedroom. After an hour and a half of naptime hysterics, Destroy had finally passed out and was sound asleep. His bare naked bottom was stuck straight up in the air.
Part of the tantruming routine involved frenziedly ripping his pants from his body. A full blown, mind-numbingly impressive, the power of Christ compels you exorcist, clearly possessed melt down ensued. Again.