Auntie Beeca broke her foot. She was coming down the stairs, missed the final step and – like Mitch Rapp had been lying in wait – faceplanted on the landing as though she had been taken out by a sniper.
I can only assume she was doing a load of laundry. Because clearly, laundry will kill you. And also, breaking yourself on a load would be a great excuse to never do it again. “I…I just can’t. Laundry has literally broken me.” Continue reading
Plans were for an easy night. Got home per usual, unloaded the muppets, opened the door and embarked upon the multiple treks needed to shlep all our stuff back inside.
I heard the giggle. The door closed.
I heard the bolt click. The world went slo-mo. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Continue reading
Quesadilla’s were on the menu. It’s a balmy 75-degree day and cheesy wrapped chicken sounded appropriate.
Apparently I forgot the avocados. This was a crisis-situation. Because what toddler could *possibly* eat a quesadilla without avocado?
I went to remedy the situation. Continue reading
G.G. hated Mother’s Day. She viewed it as a mass-market sales ploy for the greeting card industry. I can’t say I disagree – it’s very similar to how I’ve always felt about Valentine’s Day.
At best, I’d say I’m indifferent. Because, you see, I’m a mother every day.
Nevertheless, we had a special mommy and muppets day chalk full of activities: Continue reading
The gate to baby jail the living room was ajar. We’re trying to see if the muppets are capable of conducting themselves with a moderate sense of decorum in larger household arenas. Ok fine, we’re monitoring closely to make sure they don’t kill themselves or anyone else in the near vicinity.
Destroy wandered over and pointed at the jogging stroller. “No sweetie, not right now. Daddy’s cooking dinner and Mommy’s being lazy.” Continue reading
“The Internet’s acting a little squirrelly,” Jon texted me yesterday afternoon.
By the time I got home, all the technology was askew. The Internet was down. So our VoIP didn’t work. And no cable to watch the baseball games. With only one tiny cell reception bar.
(AT&T – Less bars in more places. Because it’s not like I live in the heart of the Silicon Valley. Oh wait…)
Jon was at work. The boys were asleep. I felt so alone and isolated. Someone hold me? (Yeah. I know. I have an addiction.) Continue reading
I just finished cleaning the house. So that sucked.
The housekeepers are coming tomorrow so I had to clean up first. I know. It sounds counter-intuitive. But I don’t do bathrooms. Oh, who are we kidding. I don’t clean any of the things.
Technically, Jon cleaned the whole house. I was responsible for the living room. For the record, this is a bigger task that it may seem. It is also impossible to clean the living room until after the muppets go to bed because of their superhero powers to spread the remnants of the whirling dervish known as Hurricane Muppet twofold for every item put back in its place. Continue reading
The morning brought about a neighborhood walk. We wrestled with the dogs before nap and then filled their little tummies with lunch. An excursion to the park was to follow in the afternoon. The end-goal: Exhaust the little ones.
Spring is here. And it was a beautiful day. The muppets were showing signs of stir-craziness. So we ventured forth into the great outdoors. Search and Destroy have demonstrated a recent penchant for playing with sticks.
Remember that old nursery rhyme about snips and snails and puppy dog tails? I’ll decode that for you. Boys = noise with dirt. Continue reading
I’ve clearly lost my mind.
In my infinite wisdom, I decided it would be a great idea to eat healthier and exercise to get back in shape. (After devouring several chocolate bunnies, of course.)
No matter that every weekday is a rush to get to work, pick up the boys at the end of the day and get home before we all collapse in an epic hunger-induced meltdown. I will prepare homemade meals. They are better for you. Continue reading
Just a quick simple errand. That’s all I needed to do today. Let’s review shall we?
Life Before Toddlers
Wake up. Get out of bed. Brush teeth, tie hair into ponytail. Throw on ratty sweatpants and t-shirt. (Yes, I wore them even before I had kids.) Get in car. Drive mile down road to strip mall. Hop out of car, hand money to cashier and complete transaction. Return home.
Total activity time: 30 minutes. Continue reading