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Learn From My Poor Parenting Decisions

June 3, 2013

mall Trip

“It seems like a good idea” never is. Ever.

It’d been a long short week. And when I went to pick up the boys, Destroy was sitting on the floor of the playground poking his finger through the toe of his shoe. (more…)

Dining with Small Children

February 27, 2013

Caden Eating

TURTLE WEENIES! YAY!!!

Search and Destroy were very excited about the evening’s culinary offering. (To clarify, we were having tortellini for dinner.)

While the “eat whatever you want with reckless abandon because it’s the holidays and things are just really tasty” season – general running from the turkey of Thanksgiving through the chocolate goodies of Valentine’s Day – has concluded for this year, the muppets are still going strong. (more…)

The Cornbread Stuffing Caper

January 18, 2013

Expiration for the Week

Ten years ago I was home from college, rifling through the refrigerator looking for sustenance. Hidden in the back corner I found a jar of Jet Puffed MarshMallow Whip. The expiration date was 1988.

My mother has never liked food. Cookies in our house were generally of the sugar-free, salt-free, cholesterol-free, sodium-free, fat-free, taste-free variety. AuntJ has oft visited the annals of San Fernando Valley familial homestead only to announce, “Ok. Let’s go get some actual food.” (more…)

Well What DO You Want for Dinner?

September 14, 2012

Destroy was busy narrating the scenic drive and telling us about his day as we completed the short drive home from school. Weeknights are always a bit frenzied round these parts – get kids, get home, get dinner – as we race the clock to beat a hungry muppet meltdown.

“Do you want spaghetti for dinner?” I interrupted the little narrator?

“No,” he replied matter-of-factly. “No getty.” (more…)

The Solicitor

July 26, 2012

It wasn’t the poor guy’s fault. He was just trying to do whatever summer job he’d been suckered into – rumor has it high school type kids are running low on options these days.

The doorbell rang at about 6:30, the typical delivery hour for our particular UPS route (with the driver who I’m pretty sure thinks we’re running some sort of Diapers.com scam out of our house due to the never-ending stream of boxes). It wasn’t the latest supply of Pampers Cruisers (now in Size 5!) (more…)

How to Ruin Dinner in Six Easy Steps

June 21, 2012

To be fair, I was already a bit distracted.

I worked from home today. And after a lengthy webinar, spent pacing the perimeter of my office, I ventured forth into the kitchen for coffee. I desperately needed a recharge after talking to myself for an hour wondering if anyone was listening.

It was a whole Silicon Valley technological version of “If a tree falls in the forest…” moment updated to “If I give an online presentation and no one pays attention…”

I knew something was amiss the moment I crossed the living room threshold. Now, with two growing boys, I’ve smelled my share of special deposits. But this was unique. (more…)

Sometimes You Just Need a Midday Milk Margarita

May 19, 2012

Quesadilla’s were on the menu. It’s a balmy 75-degree day and cheesy wrapped chicken sounded appropriate.

Apparently I forgot the avocados. This was a crisis-situation. Because what toddler could *possibly* eat a quesadilla without avocado?

I went to remedy the situation. (more…)

Bad Mother (or How to Harness the Power of a Toddler)

May 18, 2012

My house is baby-proofed. It is not toddler proofed.

But the good news is there doesn’t seem to be any lasting harmful effects from Monday’s baby breaking incident. (Seriously folks, thank you so much to all of you who shared your own baby dropping stories. It truly made me feel less inept.)

Both boys are back to warp speed in a determination to live up to their names – Search and Destroy. (more…)

Domestic Psychosis

April 10, 2012

I’ve clearly lost my mind.

In my infinite wisdom, I decided it would be a great idea to eat healthier and exercise to get back in shape. (After devouring several chocolate bunnies, of course.)

No matter that every weekday is a rush to get to work, pick up the boys at the end of the day and get home before we all collapse in an epic hunger-induced meltdown. I will prepare homemade meals. They are better for you. (more…)