Attack of the Great Black Beast

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It was the picture perfect sunny Saturday morning. GrammaJ was in town; Search had already demonstrated his propensity for scootering and it was time to show off the big boy bikes.

I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to steal a shower.

Alas, only moments into the glorious steamy experience that is water hot enough to boil lobsters pouring down upon you, little feet came marching into my sauna.

“Scout ran away. Gramma went to find him.”

What?! Scout’s not the dog that runs. I was momentarily confused.

Unless…

Scout is exceedingly friendly. Oh boy…he went to make a new acquaintance didn’t he.

No new friends were made. Canine, human or otherwise.

Destroy had opened the front door just as a man walked his doodle past our driveway. Scout head-butted my little wrecking ball out of the way and was off like a shot.

My mom chased after him, yelling for his return, while Search and Destroy trailed after her.

Understanding was not the doodle master’s strong suit. He ran in circles, further agitating both his dog and mine, while screaming expletives.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO KEEP YOUR FUCKING DOG IN CONTROL.”

Nice, dude.

In addition to my young sons, my neighbors witnessed the tirade. They’d started out ready to help corral the loose monster, but backed off when they saw I had the situation under control.

Except it wasn’t me. And the situation wasn’t under control.

“You look a LOT like your mom,” my neighbor later noted. (I do.)

Thankfully Scout was distracted by another man carrying a Yorkie down the street. The 80-pound black dog abandoned his pursuit of the doodle to go meet the 8-pound pup, where my mother finally tackled Scout to the ground.

After the hot water ran out, I took a deep breath and ventured out to apologize to the neighborhood. We live on a street populated by a large number of German Shepherds and Rottweilers.

Yet our house has forever been branded as the one with the batshit crazy dog.

(True, but no need to lose your cool there Cussy McCussMyMomOuterson.)

Lesson learned. I never should have gotten out of the shower.

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