Did you know I actually work with Clinton from AlliOSNews in my real life? Yup. But he lives in the U.K. I live in Silicon Valley (the motherland (Steveland?) of the Infinite Apple Loop cult). And a couple weeks ago, Clinton visited us yankees during a business trip to our companyâ€™s corporate headquarters.
To properly integrate him back into stateside culture, we took Clinton to a baseball game, and later in the week â€“ we dined at the hotspot of overindulgence largesse, The Cheesecake Factory. (Bazinga!)
Naturally, I was under no delusions that my friend was excited to visit with me â€“ he has to deal with enough of my work emails/requests/explain-what-we do-again messages on a daily basis. He wanted to chat it up with the tiny celebrities of this blog â€“ Search and Destroy.
Because who wouldnâ€™t.
Over individual entrees that would serve the entire Manchester United football team, and of course cheesecake (Adamâ€™s Peanut Butter Cup for me), I wished Clinton farewell and a safe journey back to Britain.
Destroy: Are we going home now?
Me: Yes, sweetie.
Search: Is Clinton going to his home?
Clinton: Well, kind of. Iâ€™m going to my hotel now. Then tomorrow Iâ€™m going to get on a plane and fly over the ocean to my home in â€¦
Search and Destroy: YOU LIVE IN THE OCEAN?!
Me: Let it go. Youâ€™ve passed the point of no return.
As luck would have it, only a few short days later, the boys were treated to a showing of The Little Mermaid.
Destroy: Look! Princess Ariel lives in the ocean like Mommyâ€™s friend Clinton!
And here I made the rookie mistake of trying to explain reality to a 3-year-old.
See â€“ Clinton doesnâ€™t live in the ocean. And he doesnâ€™t live in a castle.
Clinton: â€¦I know, my home office window looks right over the Windsor Castle wallsâ€¦
One of our Coworkers: You know, some of us are cube dwellers. Weâ€™re not all cool enough to live next to a castle.
I pulled up Facebook to show the boys that Clinton lived in a house just like us. Here I shall disclose another personal secret about Clinton. His beautiful wife has red hair.
Search: Look! Mommyâ€™s friend lives in the ocean with Princess Ariel!
I let it go. We were past the point of no return. Letâ€™s just be glad Clinton lives in a royal palace as opposed to a pineapple. (And Iâ€™m sure my dapper friend much prefers his tailored suits to ill-fitting square pants.)
Several days later, as I wrapped up a conference call with my aquatic-dwelling colleague, I noted I would be driving down the California coast in the coming weeks. â€œItâ€™s a pretty drive. I like that you can see the ocean Â – sometimes the scenic beauty breaks up the monotony of the trip.â€
â€œGreat,â€ Clinton drolly replied. â€œIâ€™ll wave.â€
Because apparently geographic differentiation of continents across large bodies of water are still a bit of a complex concept for 3-year-olds.