(This post originally appeared atÂ AlliOSNews.com)
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, â€™twas his intent
To blow up the King and Parliâ€™ment.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old Englandâ€™s overthrow;
By Godâ€™s mercy he was catchâ€™d
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Hulloa boys, Hulloa boys, let the bells ring.
Hulloa boys, hulloa boys, God save the King!
The above is a traditional English nursery rhyme.
Legend in short: In 1605 a disgruntled Catholic decided to make a statement by blowing the House of Lords sky high into a bajillion smithereens. It didnâ€™t work. They killed him. Well actually, they were supposed to kill him â€“ but he jumped off the execution stage and broke his neck, avoiding further torture and mutilation.
I can see how Hollywood jumped at this (V for Vendetta, 2005). Perhaps a little too political and pyromanically focused for a fun childrenâ€™s song? No matter, Iâ€™m about to be even more irreverent.
I recently had my own modern day technological Guy Fawkes plot attempted by my very own machine. An uprising against the Apple kingdom.
I own a 2011 Macbook Air. Itâ€™s my workhorse. Whether or not this is what it was designed to do, my lightweight companion is on call 24/7. And itâ€™s in use a minimum of approximately 12 hours a day. Snow is hot stuff.
Lately, my flash storage fire starter has been taking such compliments literally. Computer was TOASTY.
Iâ€™d enter the room to hear it humming away. Aww, my trusty steed. Alas, I had not employed adequate foresight unto how Appleâ€™s have traditionally treated Snow White.
Battery levels were draining faster than a burning effigy of Guy Fawkes. The casing was hot to the touch. Was my computer plotting a rebellion? Was an overthrow favoring the rise of sentient androids on the horizon?!
Querying Clinton and an engineering friend, I posed the question, â€œHow hot should I let my computer get before I completely freak out?â€
I was informed that consumer electronics are never designed to burn or blow up the parliament of your person. (Which is a positive given how often I can admit to yelling at mine.) In fact, they are designed with quite the opposite in mind â€“ to provide a large buffer between normal use and critical failure. (Having a computer thatâ€™s so hot itâ€™s burning you, is indeed, critical failure.)
Perhaps it was dust.
I procured a tiny screw kit and, after sending up a prayer to the technology gods, proceeded to dismantle the machine. Armed for the fight with a can of compressed air, Snow would either be dusted or I would be getting a post-mortem autopsy prior to the purchase of a new Macbook.
There wasnâ€™t much dust. And by the end of the day I could once again roast sâ€™mores atop the graphics board.
I downloaded the app Temperature Gauge and cringed at the bright red lines that all shot out like arrows at my precious Apple.
Clinton suggested I get thee to an Apple Store Genius Bar tribunal post haste.
I acquiesced â€“ where the innards would be questioned by the Tower Lieutenant Genius Bar Genius, Kyle, until I had â€œthe inwards secret of [its] thoughts and all his complices.â€
Ideally theyâ€™d just assure me it was the plight of an abused Air getting on in computer age. Mostly I wanted to prevent a final farewell display of fireworks as three-score barrels of smoldering processor-chip shrapnel showered the masses with the successes of an overheated plot.
Guilty on all counts. The battery was replaced; the fan is breathing easier. Also, Kyle told me that computers prefer to be turned off every once in a while. Who knew?
Hulloa boys! God save the computer!