Some comments are cute when spoken about your cherubic little toddler, yet not so funny when you hear the same utterance regarding your now grown up fun-loving frat boy.
1. “Honey, time to put your pants back on. Your mom’s here.”
Good idea: Having your diaper changed before getting picked up from daycare.
Bad idea: Fooling around with the cute girl down the hall on parents weekend.
2. “No sweetie. You can’t touch the other ladies’ boobs.”
Good idea: Growing up big and strong because you’re such a healthy eater.
Bad idea: Getting to make one phone call because you couldn’t resist.
3. “What are you doing up at this hour?”
Good idea: Waking up after a dream because your imagination has begun to blossom and you’ve figured how to reason that there is all kinds of amazing-ness in the real world.
Bad idea: Perusing the town with your red solo cup on a Wednesday night because your house’s kegerator is empty.
4. “We do NOT pee on police vehicles in this household.”
Good idea: Learning enough manual dexterity to remove your diaper at the same time you’re overcome with excitement about your new Little Tykes police motorcycle.
Bad idea: Marking the local PD’s patrol car to prove the point that you have not been partying too hard.
5. “Stop coloring on your brother. And no, do not eat the crayons.”
Good idea: Coloring inside the lines – or even outside – as you explore fine motor skill development.
Bad idea: Being the first to fall asleep at the frat house.
6. “Oh my goodness! Did you eat all of that by yourself?”
Good idea: Eating everything on your plate.
Bad idea: Eating everything in the house.
7. “Indoor voices. Please stop yelling.”
Good idea: Shouting every newly discovered vocabulary word for the world to hear.
Bad idea: Trying to top the song on the radio with the lyrics you think are right, but are way better if they’re not.
8. “Mommmeeeeee…I don’t feel good…”
Good idea: Cuddling when you’re sick because that rocking chair makes everything better.
Bad idea: Trying to convince your mom you have bubonic plague the day after the kegger, but the day before the 20-page term paper is due.
9. “Is that stain poop or puke?”
Good idea: Always having a change of clothes because…stuff happens.
Bad idea: Always having a change of clothes because…stuff happens.
10. “Biting is not nice.”
Good idea: Chewing big boy food with your new teeth and using your words to express frustration.
Bad idea: Well, on second thought, I guess that depends what she’s into.