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Wordless Wednesday: The Summer Bucket List

July 30, 2014

Summer vacation is upon us.

I think Search wants to go on a boat…

Caden's Bucket

Search’s Summer Bucket List:

  • Paint an easter basket
  • Drive the boat
  • Swim in Grand Papa’s pool
  • Go on a boat

Logan's Bucket

Destroy’s Summer Bucket List:

  • Play airplanes
  • Bake cake
  • Play trucks
  • Go to school
  • Play with the train table

So You Want to Publish a Book?

July 28, 2014

BH14_10th_Fundentity_v4_0

Nope.

Last week I attended BlogHer 14 – the 10th annual conference for women in the blogosphere (and anyone else interested in attending). (more…)

Pooping for Prizes

July 24, 2014

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Destroy wouldn’t poop in the potty. We were pretty sure it wasn’t a gastrointestinal issue. So by the time we’d reached the dosage of two full adult servings of Miralax per day, it was time to take a stand.

There is no doubt my son is stubborn beyond his years. But so is his mother – who also boasts 30 years additional practice in the art.

The decision was made to keep the boy home from school. He would stay home and experience the full effects of Miralax. There would be no TV, no park dates, no fun – not until poop plopped into the potty.

Being 4, he fought against physics. He would not poop. Would. Not. Poop. It was then that Jon and I learned Destroy’s issues were purely a control issue. He would hold it, hold it, then hold it some more. Ultimately it would no longer be a decision (two adult doses of stool-softening powder will do that to a 38-pounder) and the Pompeii of poops would rock the afternoon.

CODE BROWN! CODE BROWN!

The weekend arrived. I told Search to get ready to go. One of his preschool girlfriends was having a birthday party. I don’t think Destroy actually thought we’d leave him behind.

We did.

Search and I had a blast.

There was a pony.

There was a pony.

We decided to continue our one-on-one date – Search needed new shoes, so we headed to the mall where the ever-growing little man picked out light up Spiderman shoes. We then decided to stop by the Disney Store.

(Yes, I’m a horrible mother who was trying to play brothers against one another.)

Search got a new toy train. “Mommy, I think Destroy needs a helicopter.” (Cue being shamed by my 4-year-old. He is a better person than I.)

He is also smarter than me. Within in minutes of walking in the door, his brother high on the rush of birthday cake and pony boasts, Destroy announced, “I don’t poop in my pants now. I poop in the potty and I need my helicopter.”

Two days later we were still accident free! Prizes and celebrations abounded.

Four days later we were still accident free.

GrammaJ: Did he poop today?
Me: No.
GrammaJ: He pooped his pants?
Me: No.
GrammaJ: So he’s still using the potty?
Me: No.

On the fifth day we experienced a full-blown proper muppet meltdown. He’d been ornery all day at school, even starting a few fights. I wasn’t surprised. His tummy probably hurt. I strongly encouraged him to spend some time on the potty.

This was not a well-received statement.

As he flailed about, crocodile tears flowing, fists clenched, feet stomping, he finally shouted a semi-coherent statement.

“I NEED A COOKIE!!!”

(This kid was so full of shit.)

Alas, due to his behavior, there was no consumption of cookies that evening.

Morning didn’t go any better. However, during the fight to clothe the kid, he discovered swim goggles purchased for our upcoming beach trip. These were much more exciting than the prospect of pants.

“Poop first,” I demanded through clenched teeth.

Destroy decided he wanted those goggles. Bowels were cleared. We were creating a monster. He needs a bribe to poop every time?

It was a reversal of monkey’s flinging poo. Instead he apparently planned to hold it until Mom broke down and made with the bribe. But then again, we were saving a lot of money on the underwear that we no longer threw away daily…

Apparently he didn’t get it all out with that morning bribe though. When I picked him up, he’d started poop #2 in his pants and was trying to convince his teacher he still deserved a prize from the poop chest. (This is a thing.)

He didn’t get a prize. He wouldn’t be allowed to watch his coveted Disney Jr. Octonauts. And he didn’t take his nap; he’d participated in a preschool dance party instead. Because his tummy hurt, he refused to eat his snack.

All effects combined, my constipated hypoglycemic kid was about to stage the prequel to the hunger games. MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN MY FAVOR.

Just before bath time, I heard a blood curdling banshee wail. “I got all wet!” (This was problematic since we hadn’t yet started bath.)

He’d raced to the bathroom to pee. Then decided he needed to poop. He spun around to sit his little tushy down.

He fell into the potty.

But he pooped!

I think I won.

How to Jump Start a Car

July 21, 2014

1-jumper-cables-blink-images

The hospital let me know that I was due for a blood draw. So bright and early Sunday morning (because I wasn’t foregoing breakfast a moment longer than needed) I pulled into the almost empty parking lot.

There was another car near the hospital’s front entrance. A woman was standing in front of her mid-90s green sedan – the hood wide open – looking frustrated and unhappy. I asked if she had help already as I hopped out of my own MomMobile. (more…)

Fingerpaint Threatens Friendship (or this means war)

July 16, 2014

Logan_Grrr_06-28-14

The mercury stretched toward 90. We were planning beach trip to celebrate the second birthday of the pixie stix.

The boys were outside playing while I packed up our gear. Suddenly I heard an ear-piercing shriek calling my name. Search looked up at me, sidewalk chalk streaked across his face like war paint. Red ooze dripped down his arms like blood. (more…)

TechMom Tuesday: Targeted Baby on Board?

July 9, 2014

TechMom

I write a monthly column over at AlliOSNews. It’s a techie site – extolling all the goodies and gunpowder on the Apple OS. (SHINY TOY!) I’m TechMom. And these are my stories on how technology is really used. This is what you must deal with, as I am a Silicon Valley nerd by day.

I’m well aware it’s Wednesday. TechMom Tuesday is typically published the first Tuesday of every month, but this month your techie insights were delivered a week late because last week was a holiday week. I reserve the right to rant more or less as the technical goings-on, well…go on. (more…)

Incident at the Park

July 3, 2014

Manneken_Pis_(crop)

The sultry siren song of a summertime weekend made me do it. It was 5 p.m. on Friday night and still 80 degrees out. Music in the Park was calling our name. It was the perfect recipe for an evening out – we’d hit up the local sandwich shop and run the energy off on the slides.

And as in an environment as such, the more the merrier – some friends decided to join us. (more…)

Black Ops Future

June 30, 2014

Career-Path

We take the expressway to school every morning. Right before our final turn is a corner construction site. (more…)