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Wyatt the Warrior and His Spots

March 2, 2015

Wyatt Warrior

Wyatt’s older brother, Jackson, (a mere 2 months older than the muppets) stood at the window to the NICU. “This sucks. This is how I met my sister.” But Wyatt wouldn’t be in the NICU for long (at a full-term 8 pounds he seemed a giant among Lilliputians) because he was quickly being prepared for a move to isolation.

No one was sure what was wrong with him. (more…)

Inserting Logic Where It Doesn’t Belong

February 25, 2015


Search and Destroy have reached the age where their primary goal in life is to end their brother.

I remember this phase. I still bear the scars from where my own brother and I bashed each other in the face with Lego bricks. We spent a great many hours as best friends before reverting to mortal enemies in the blink of an eye – obviously required to engage in a physical battle to the death. (In adulthood, we are once again friends.)

My offspring are also now of an age where we are trying to instill the ideals of personal responsibility – reward and consequence. (more…)

Naptime Nowadays

February 23, 2015


We still put the boys down to “rest.” Science may say that naps are no longer healthy after the age of 2, but I would like to invite Science to come deal with muppets after a long day and no nap.

(Also, I am 34 and still greatly enjoy naps. So does most of Europe. Suck it Science.)

So this weekend, we once again fought the valiant naptime battle. (more…)

Kindergarten Registration

February 19, 2015

Kindergarten Starts

This morning I sat at Starbucks contemplating how quickly time passes. I was waiting for a 10:30 a.m. appointment to register my tiny boys for kindergarten. The first three months of their little lives were by far the longest days of my three decades. And yet, the following four and a half years have rushed by like there is no tomorrow. (more…)

Valentine’s Day: Not Even Pinterest Enough to Fail

February 14, 2015

Heart Minnie

I won’t sugarcoat it. Valentine’s Day is not my thing.

It is a shmoopy memorial brought into being by the greeting card industry. A Hallmark holiday celebrated via a weaponized fat toddler (who would realistically kill the romance in any relationship with the pungent aroma of a full diaper if you weren’t first snipered by fallen pieces from a shattered Lego arrow). All while honoring a saint who was ultimately beheaded, via the grand gesture of murdered foliage most symbolized for its thorny exterior – evolved by nature to stab you should you look at it wrong. (more…)

Book Review: The Secret Life of Book Club

February 10, 2015


Book Club Just Got Real.

Have you ever been a member of a book club? I’ve been in a few over the years – any excuse to escape reality, really.

Because that’s what books do. Crack open the spine of a new novel and suddenly you’re whisked away to post-Napoleonic France to seek revenge on those who have wronged you. You’re a top CIA agent, the deadliest sniper in American history, or the wizard chosen to save magic from a dark end. You’re the talk of the town as a flapper married to F. Scott Fitzgerald or a very hungry caterpillar. (more…)

Disneyland is a Pain in the Shoulder (Vaccinate Your Kids)

January 28, 2015

Anti Vax

Preface: I am not a doctor. But I believe in medicine. Science exists whether I believe it or not. My children exist today because of the miracles of modern medicine. Do I believe we’ve achieved the end all of scientific advancements? Of course not. But do I think we should disregard current advancements due to the misinformed beliefs of a Playboy Bunny? Nope. (more…)

Career Day Conversation in the Car

January 27, 2015

Call Sign

On the drive home from school today, Destroy began to muse about his past and future.


transcribed by Mommy

Superheroes can fly really fast. We saw real superheroes at our birthday party when we were 4. But you know what’s faster than superheroes? Fighter jets. They go fastest of all.

This year for when I’m 5, I want to bring donuts to school and have a jet party. The superheroes can come and paint jets on the wall.

Then, when I get really big like Papa, I’m going to fly a jet. It’s going to go so fast. And it will be a fast fire jet because it will have fire that comes out of it.

Hey Mommy, hey Mommy. Mommy. Also in my so fast fire jet that does the fighting I’m going to have a parachute rope on my back. Then I will jump so high and fly away from my fighter jet down on the ground and catch bad guys like Daddy.

Yeah. I’m gonna catch bad guys. But then I’ll fly super fast in my orange and white jet.

No Mommy, it’s a FIRE jet. Not a fighter jet. I’ll be the fighter with the parachute rope *in* the fire jet. Because the jet shoots orange and white fire.

Can we go to the store and get a flight suit? Actually I just want a flight shirt. But I need a flight suit pilot costume for my birthday. Maybe I can wear my superhero cape with it. But first I need to be 5 and go to kindergarten.

I got a rock for you at school today.


I am unsure if he is explaining an early dedication to serving his country as a special forces paratrooper or simply an overabundant viewing of Disney Planes.

Regardless, I now have the image of a little Top Gun Maverick living in my house. I doubt it’s too far off from the actual persona he’s trying to cultivate; he recently served a timeout at school for an impromptu performance solo of Old MacDonald in the library. (Preschool version of You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling? Perhaps the cows lost their moo?)


(Not my kids. But brilliant idea.)

In any case, I have no doubt our future leads down a highway to the danger zone.